[Intro]

Three months.
Six consultants.
Forty-seven interviews.

And one box
of branded muffins.

[Verse]

They arrived at nine in matching coats,
With silver laptops, leather notes.
They placed a triangle on the screen,
Between "CONTENT" and "MACHINE."
A second triangle touched "DESIRE."
Frank asked if triangles now expire.
"We help great brands to find the track,"
The consultant smiled. "We'll circle back."

[Chorus]

Welcome to EngageMax,
They've analysed the facts.
Three months of looking at the page
Has brought us to the cutting edge.
They know exactly why we fail—
It's somewhere in this twelve-slide scale.

[Verse]

They interviewed the crime reporter,
Then the intern by the water.
They asked the sports desk, "What is winning?"
Asked the copy chief, "What is beginning?"
They labelled Frank "legacy resistance,"
Then praised his "valuable persistence."
One consultant whispered, "This is gold."
Another said, "Can anger be sold?"

[Pre-Chorus]

They drew a funnel, then another,
Then a funnel for the other.
They put a reader at the top,
Then drew an arrow marked "DON'T STOP."

[Chorus]

Welcome to EngageMax,
They've analysed the facts.
Three months of looking at the page
Has brought us to the cutting edge.
Please place experience in the tray—
The framework starts at ten today.

[Break]

Reach. Engage. Retain. Convert.
Reach. Engage. Retain. Convert.

[Frank]
Report?

[Consultant]
That's currently under review.

[Verse]

At four they rolled in yellow boards
With forty-seven approved words:
"SHOCKING." "EXPOSED." "WHAT HAPPENED NEXT."
"THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING," in text.
Maya asks, "What if it changes nothing?"
"Then we're testing," says the suit, "for something."
Frank asks, "What if the headline lies?"
"We prefer 'emotionally optimised.'"

[Final Chorus]

Welcome to EngageMax,
They've monetised the gaps.
Three months of expert observation
Found the cure for information.
They studied every desk we've got—
And concluded people click a lot.

Welcome.
Engage.
Convert.
Relax.

[Outro]

Frank steals one yellow note.

It says:

SHOCKING.

He sticks it
on the coffee machine.
